Single-Handedly Scattering Sunshine

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Day With Mom

After a wonderful & uplifting Veteran's Day Broadcast,
I spent a few hours w/ Mom.

Our church was cancelled b/c of the large amount of snow we got.

I was glad to relax & enjoy a leisurely Sunday
(taking the Sacrament at my Mom's Care Center instead).
My Mom was feisty yesterday.
She kept saying (& often says) things that aren't "real,"
such as ~ "well, if you don't love me then I'll find someone else!"
& you're a liar (when the flash went off & I told her it wouldn't
thinking it had been turned off).
My Mom never accused anyone of lying. That's not her!
She also can get really mad about simple things,
like getting her hair combed, her body washed,
her clothes changed.
At times it is hard b/c my Mom is really strong
& hits hard.
Her bark is often worse than her bite
& she can be cutting (even tho you know it's not her).
Just part of the disease.
I told the kind aid trying to work w/ her in this state
that I wish she could have known the "real" Mom; the one I knew (know).
Sometimes I look at the aids & think, "If you only knew!"
when they look like she is just a difficult (the hardest patient) they know.
Little do they know how hard she worked for others,
how generous she was;
how all the ward & children loved her;
how many mentally & handicapped people she
had compassion for & would help,
taking them to church in her absolute spotless, clean Cadillac
w/ her expensive, weekly well-set hair;
how incredible an office manager she was
that everyone & the entire office staff looked up to
& admired her
to the point of relying on her sharpness for everything!
Bra

Here was a woman that knew how to spell so well
& could spot a dot on a "i" & a cross on a "t"
that no one dared make a mistake!
And now she cannot remember
a single spelling,
yet even a word from a text
or a simple conversation.
Makes me think about all of the other "Moms"
out there I've seen in these residential care centers.
What were they like?
The aid said she had worked w/ a really sweet man
who turned so mean thru the inevitable progressions of this mysterious disease.
I know my Mom has changed into someone she's not.
I often miss my "real" Mom,
but am fortunate enough still to get glimpses of her now & then
(that wonderful person who was my biggest support in many ways).

During the Sacrament Meeting
another lady who yodels carried on so much
the guy in front kept trying to shush her.
I just held her hand.
At the same time I received yet another email
replete with endless scriptural references
& all the guilt (manipulation) that goes w/ it from this excommunicated guy
who has been trying to get me to like him
for 8 yrs now (divorced w/ 8 children)!
He apparently prays for me everyday.
The night before my special needs cousin called me.
At times I feel like all I do is take care of the mentally ill.
They certainly carry a wonderful spirit about them,
but it's hard to be surrounded by it also
when I want to live a more "normal" life.
I feel the closer I've gotten to Christ,
the more He has brought those who need my care
(special attention) to me.
I truly desire to serve, tho, so I do the best I can
to be there for them.
In return I am blessed thru them as well.

I guess we all have special needs" of some sort in our life.
I know I do! ;-) Anyway . . .
Was so happy, too, when I got home & my neighbors said how pretty I looked
& my brother noticed I had lost weight.
Made my day!
Getting older & realizing
what I've missed out on in life
(that I can't turn the clock back on now)
has been really hard;
excruciating, frankly.
Realizing that is the case has been even more painful.
Have been working on that & my back & strengthening
my heart, lungs, and muscles.
Wasn't exactly ecstatic when I dropped a fairly new jar of spaghetti sauce
all over the kitchen floor; however,
was happy to talk to friends on the way home & into the evening.
So grateful for my daily support system of the
many good people around me.
Wish I had more!
Was thrilled my visiting teaching partner assignment remained the same
even with our recent big split (2 to 5 groups) in Relief Society.
Love Scoshi!